Things Remembered

Beatiful and heartbreaking are these things remembered.

We received some things from Lily's first year of life while we were in China. Her finding add was given to us, and the english translation of the written words. Her sweet little face is so recognizable to me, even though it is a tiny black and white photo, taken when she was just a few weeks old. She is one of many precious little faces on the page of a newspaper.

We received a beautiful photo album from her orphanage, full of photos that look to have been taken soon after Lily entered the Children's Welfare Institute, up until the time that we were given her referral. There are three inscriptions from different people. Maybe her nannies? I am anxious to get those messages translated to English. I am anxious to read what they wrote.

A few days ago, I washed and carefully folded the clothes that Lily was wearing on the day we received her. To me, they still smell different and yet somehow familiar. Her little yellow shoes, which were several sizes too big, make me sad.

I had sent a care package to Lily in late August, just after we knew that she was to be our daughter. I included several things, but among some of the things I sent was a pretty pink sweater, a photo album of our family and a disposable camera. I never knew if it got to her, but I so hoped it had. While in China, we were given a copy of Lily's Travel Approval. In her travel photo, she is wearing the pink sweater that we had sent. Someone, probably her foster mother, wanted her to wear it for her official photo. I was told that her foster family very much wanted to keep the photo album that I had sent. In it were pictures of Mike and I, the boys, our home, and Lily's room. The disposable camera was given back to us.

Today, I picked up the developed film.

We did not know that Lily had a foster family until we got to China. We were told that she left the orphanage, probably in mid-August, just after we were given her referral. Yet another upheavel our daughter bravely faced. Her foster family took 20 photos of our precious baby girl. As I sat and looked at the photos, I was overcome with emotion and the tears started to fall. Lily was in my lap, looking at the pictures with me. What made me cry, put a smile on her face. She gazed at the familiar faces and images and started to babble in her sweet voice. I held her tight as we studied each picture. She would point, and then look up at me with her angelic grin. She had a foster brother, who looked to be around the age of eight or ten. Maybe this is why she has taken so quickly to her brothers? There is a photo of her sitting in her foster moms lap, eating an apple. This made me think, because I have yet to get her to eat a piece of fruit. There is a picture of her holding a tattered garden hose, and she is laughing. There is a picture of her metal crib, a tired old clock on the wall, a table and chair, and a rumpled bed. She is dressed in too big boy clothes; overalls and puffy shirts. Lily is in the center of every picture. Lily is smiling her glorious smile in every picture.

I cannot express how greatful I am for these photos, and for all of the bits and pieces that we have received about Lily's life in China. I cannot express how beautiful it is. I cannot express how heartbreaking it is.

We will never know all that Lily has known, but we will cherish the things we have been given about her life. These are the things that we will never forget. These are the things that we can share with Lily. One thing I do know is that Lily was loved. Her home may not have been like any home you or I would ever see, but her orphanage and foster family were her homes. These were the people who loved her. These are the people who I pray for at night.

To know Lily is to love her. She has an inner beauty that shines through her. She has a gentle and joyful spirit. When I look into her eyes, I feel like I am looking deep into her soul. It is a brave and beautiful soul, full of love and light.