Loving Lily Fan

Tomorrow will be our four month home anniversary. Has Lily Fan really been part of lives for four months? Having her here feels so natural and right. It's like a space was reserved for her, and she has filled it with grace, courage, determination, beauty, sweetness, spunk, passion, sunshine and love. I thought that I would do a "things I love about Lily” post. Before I get to that, I just have to share what happened the other day. It was beautiful and heartbreaking and so very tender. It left me so humbled. Sometimes I think to myself, I cannot possible love this child more then I do. And then she gives me a look, or something happens, and I love her even more. It is an intense love that knowns no end.

I had written while we were in China that she was the bravest person that I had ever known. It was true then, and it is true today. I had to be gone from home for about three hours. Lily stayed home with Mike and her brothers. I have left her before with Mike, but never for this long. She did great! Mike and the boys kept her entertained and happy. When I walked in the kitchen after getting home, she saw me from across the room. I will never forget the look on her face. It was like I was looking into her brave and beautiful soul. She turned to move toward me, as quick as her little size 4 feet would carry her. Tears began to fall from her eyes and rolled down her face. Her arms were outstretched, waiting for me to scoop her up. I enveloped her in my arms and held her tight. She laid her head on my shoulder and did not move for quite a while. I was rubbing her back and telling her how much I loved her. Without lifting her head, she began to pat my back, and as she did she very softly said "mama", many many times. I could feel her little body melt into mine.

It is at moments like this that I become overwhelmed with love for this baby girl. It sweeps me up and carries me away. Time stands still. It is just her and I and a love so deep, I cannot put words to it. I have so much admiration and compassion for her. I think about what may having been going through her mind. I love her so fiercely and so completely.

Lily sparkles and glows. She shines so radiant. Her beauty takes my breath away. Her giggles delight me. She is love and light. She is my treasure. She is my heart and soul.

Her tears break my heart. What she has lost brings me to my knees. That I am her mother is an honor and one of my greatest joys.

Here is a long, but incomplete list of Things I love about Lily, in no particular order…..

How she stands on one leg and points her little toes when she is concentrating.

How she says the word "milk"(sounds like "mak") and only wants to sip from the cup with monkeys on it.

How she prefers her white blankie with the pink polka dots, over her pink blankie with the white dots.

How I hear her say "mama" over the monitor.

How she thinks anythink with a beak and feathers is a duck.

How she says "ribbit" when looking at a frog.

How she twirls her toes when she is taking a tub.

How she holds her little hand, palm up, when she is all done with something

How her little lips form a perfect O when she hears something drop, or sees something out of place and says "oh oh".

How she sweetly plays mama with her babies.

How she says the word "hot" when we go to Starbucks and she see all of the steaming cups of coffee.

How she mimics me when I am brushing my hair, or putting on lip stick.

How every morning she will bring Mike his shoes before he leaves for work and then blow him kisses.
How she will stand at the door and wave bye-bye, as her brothers leave for school.

How she loves shoes and holds up her little foot for people in the check out line to admire.

How she will dance around the room when I put a pretty dress on her.

How when I say we are going to church, she will start to sing.

How when I gently tell her no, she squeezes her eyes shut.

How she will walk up to her brothers and lay her head against them, offering an unasked for hug.

How she gives all of us big sloppy wet kisses.

How she is certain Woody needs another bone.

How she will help me unload the dishwasher, even if I am trying to load it.

How she looks in wonder at the big stone fireplace at the mall.

How she asks to watch elmo, or read her favorite books. Goodnight Moon tops her list.

How her eyes shine when she looks at herself in the mirror.

How she sucks her blanket when she is tired.

How she plays with my eyelashes when she is drinking her bottle.

How she peacefully drifts off to sleep in my arms.

How she smells so sweet.

How she still will not eat a banana, but she loves banana ice cream.

How her face lights up when I walk into her room in the morning and we open the shade and welcome the day.

In only four months, she has revealed so much of herself to us and given so much of herself to us......we are so proud of her.

We are her biggest fans and her greatest supporters.  We encourage and applaud her. We comfort and console her. We nuture and protect her. We are forever loving her. We never cease.

We are loving Lily Fan with all of our hearts.